Bagel Guillotine

Bonnie: I think all New Yorkers will agree: If you’ve never had a New York bagel, you’ve never really had a bagel. New York bagels are dense and chewy on the inside and have a crisp outside crust. No fruit, cheese, chocolate or nuts are added to real bagels. Instead there’s poppy, sesame, pumpernickel, garlic, onion and, of course, everything (a mixture of additions including salt). And they’re gigunda… so enormous that my dad used to carefully and painstakingly slice the 6 to 8-ounce ring-shaped roll into three or four slices! Of course he was in his 80s and 90s then, and was wiser than those of us who enjoy the whole thing!

Me? I just hand-hold the giant treat and slice it in half. That is until the Bagel Guillotine, formerly called the Bagel Biter, came into my life. I just put the bagel into the plastic holder and push down on the guillotine with its stainless steel, serrated edges to VOILA slice the bagel in half while the clear plastic piece guards my fingers from being sliced. This works great for non-NYC bagels – as they fit better — and with a little finesse, I’ve managed to squeeze those NYC ones in for slicing, too.

Bryan: I have been working in kitchens ever since I can remember. With so much time spent using an array of sharp cutting tools and hot surfaces, there were inevitably a number of minor first aid emergencies throughout the years. To me, small cuts and burns are just part of cooking, but sadly, I’ve experienced more than my fair share of kitchastrophes.

Cooking at home is one thing, but being “on the line” at a busy restaurant during the lunch rush is a whole different level of stress and speed. Unless you’re crammed for time getting a dinner party to the table, home cooking is pretty much a controlled environment. Moving at your own pace is good for safety, and quite different from being under the gun with hundreds of hungry customers demanding their food.

Unfortunately, moving faster sometimes means cutting corners, and cutting corners often means cutting fingers. A prime example involved me moving too fast to try to cut fresh turkey breast on a deli slicer. You guessed it — the tip of my finger was cut right in half (thankfully only the pad of my finger). Sometimes we simply move too fast for our own good, and in the kitchen, it’s a habit we all have to break. I had used that slicer a hundred times. My comfort with the machine caused me not to focus, and not focusing with a surgically sharp, fast-spinning blade is not a smart idea. That was a slice to remember.

Even worse was cutting into my own hand with a knife. Doesn’t sound worse? Well, a deli slicer is one thing since the blade is so sharp and it’s moving so fast that you only feel the pain later. Also, the slicer’s cut itself is quite efficient. Cutting into your own hand, though, is quite a different story, especially if it’s with my most feared injury tool: the serrated bread knife.

It seems so simple to cut a bagel. I’ve done it not hundreds, but thousands of times. Maybe my method is poor (I have been told not to use it), but I hold the bagel in my hand and cut into it half way. Yes, I’m cutting towards my hand, which is a no-no, but only half way! Then I flip the bagel over and cut again, half way, and yes, again towards my hand. This is about the stupidest thing you can do with a knife, by the way, and the palms of my hand will attest to that fact if you’re at all doubtful.

I have probably cut 10-15 bread knives directly into the meaty part of my palm over the years, and each time hurts just as much as the last. Ouch, those little teeth sawing through my skin! Why do I do it? Because I haven’t found a better way. I hate smashing the bagel against the counter and cutting in, but what was I to do instead?

Two words: Bagel Guillotine. The French had it right; why accidentally cut yourself while emancipating your people? Let the blade do the work. In this case, why slice your hands over breakfast? Use a guillotine, chop that bagel in half and put some butter on it, not blood. It’s a smart thing to do.

Eric: I pride myself a decent cook with above-par knife skills, but serrated knives, specifically bread knives, haunt my dreams. I have a collection of pride-shattering scars, holes and missing pieces on my left hand that are a daily reminder of my knife mishaps. Thus it was almost a defeat the first time I used the Bagel Guillotine. It seemed like a cheat move; an infomercial product that, although effective, would take up space and gather dust.

You might ask yourself; “Where’s the fun in prepping breakfast without a knife?” Truthfully, the fun is in not having to grab a bandage to stop the bleeding. The Bagel Guillotine is designed for the avid bagel enthusiast for one reason; to get food on the table, not blood on the counter.